Many years ago, my neighbors and I started a group we liked to call, The Bear Creek Council. It started with us guys who lived in the Bear Creek Valley in the South Tomah Area and had since grown from there to more of an attitude than a location. We meet at a local diner Early Monday morning to have a cup of coffee or some breakfast and discuss the events of the past week. We run it like you would a regular meeting with some loose form or Roberts rules and the bang of a gavel. So far the only rules are that you need to be a guy and married, but even those rules are pretty loose. a Typical meeting goes something like this:
Scott – Hear Ye, Hear Ye, this meeting of the Bear Creek Council will now come to order. (bangs coffee cup onto the table)
(While discussion is going on around the table, Jerry is making hand gestures and quietly mumbling to himself, obviously in deep thought trying to figure something out.)
Scott – First topic on the agenda – Wives. Todd I believe you have an important Wife related issue to bring up?
Todd: Oh yeah – Well, as you all know, my wife is great cook. (All the guys grunt in favor of Todd’s wife’s cooking.) And you all know that she makes probably one of the best apple pie’s in the neighborhood. (Men Grunt again in favor.
Wally: Truly a religious experience.
Todd: Well, she caught me in the kitchen eating some pie and she says, “Todd, we need to talk.” (All the guys grunt a heavy, “oh nooo.”
Wally: You know what that means…
Todd: Yeah, I know, right? So she says, you and your buddy’s really like my pie. And of course I had to agree with her, cuz its true, but I could tell this was going somewhere so I was cautious. (Guys grunt affirmation) Then she says, “I have to make a lot more pies just to keep up with all the new people coming through the kitchen now.” So I says, Uh, huh? (guys grunt again) Then she says, I think we should remodel the kitchen so I can cook more in here.
(Everything goes absolutely silent – men all have a shocked look on their face.)
Wally: Oh nooo… what did you do?
Todd: I tell you, I stood my ground. I looked her square in the eyes, took a deep breath and said… (Silence) So anyway guys when you wanna start working on that kitchen?
(Guys groan all at once and shake their heads.)
Wally: Tuesday? (Guys grunt affirmation)
Scott: All in favor?
All Guys: Aye! (sadly)
(Silence again – but this time they all slowly look at Jerry who is still talking to himself and making strange hand motions… then he speaks)
Jerry: So, how do you suppose that mouse got that little house up on there?
(Guys all Grunt in confusion)
Scott: What Jerry? (chuckles a bit)
Jerry: The mouse. How do you suppose he climbed up on top of that pig, and built that little house up there?
(the entire restaurant and all the guys start to laugh)
Jerry: (a little upset) No I’m serious guys. How do you suppose he did that?
Scott: Um Jerry – We’re gonna need more information, I guess.
Jerry: Ok, so the other day I’m in the house and its really cold. Its like twenty degrees outside and the house is like really cold. So I’m thinking the heater must be out. So I call the heat guy. He comes out to the house and he goes downstairs to the furnace, then he comes back up and goes to his truck. Then he goes back down to the furnace, then goes back up to his truck. He must have done that six or seven times. Then eventually he goes outside and then comes back in, just red in the face. I mean really mad, and says. "The Pig! You gotta fill the pig!" – But of course I had no idea what he was talking about. Then he says, "The propane tank, out back!"
Scott: Jerry they call that a pig.
Jerry: Well, I told him, "Yeah that thing has been there since we moved in, I have no idea what its for."
(the restaurant is laughing hysterically by this time)
Scott: So what did he do then? (Laughing)
Jerry: Well he took me out to the tank and showed me how to check to see if its full or empty.
Scott: Ok, but I’m a little confused, what does this have to do with a mouse?
Jerry: Well, so he opens up the lid on this giant metal tank and out jumps a mouse, which scared the shit out of both of us. He brushed away the mouse’s little nest and then he showed me the gauge. But all I kept thinking the whole time was, “How did that little mouse climb all the way up on that enormous pig and build that little house up there?“
Scott: I guess some things are just a mystery Jerry – Next order of business – In-Laws